The BPD's We Need to Fear
July 25, 2012
The dangerous ones are the Highly Functional (e.g., no one knows unless they live with them for months/years) Narcissistic types who do not self-harm, and have a strong sense of denial and projection.
by Zach
(henrymakow.com)
There are two subgroups of those who are afflicted with Borderline Personality Disorder that I see:
The Remorseful Confused
The Narcissistic Confident
Sadly, this is rarely mentioned. Virtually all of the books focus on the Remorseful Borderlines, who are typically Lowly Functional, meaning that those around them discover that something is off rather quickly.
These include what I term the "Depressive Non-Narcissist Borderline". They are usually pretty harmless to others. They typically feel a strong sense of shame, guilt and remorse after their impulsive actions and/or rages.
Because of this, they usually have a moral sense, are more open to getting help, and are more hesitant to hurt others and quick make amends. They frequently act impulsively and then beg the other to come back; that they've changed.
People like this who are seeking psychological help, we really shouldn't be afraid of.
THE REAL PSYCHOS
The dangerous ones are the Highly Functional (e.g., no one knows unless they live with them for months/years) Narcissistic types who do not self-harm, have a strong sense of denial and projection.
These are the ones who are most likely to abuse their mates and children, for they honestly believe (particularly during short-lived paranoia moments) that their loved ones really are the source of all their problems, and that they are normal and blameless.
She thinks, "Why won't he leave [abandon] me and the kids?!
Well, I can make him leave! And then I'll be happy all the time."
Highly functional Narcissistic Borderlines tend to harm those closest to them in angry rages as opposed to using in drugs or cutting, although all three may also occur simultaneously.
Combined with a lack of remorse, this often leads to very traumatic situations. It's less harmful for the Borderline; more harmful for everyone else.
INCURABLE?
I hear a lot of people, particularly psychologists and Borderlines, moan about how incurable BPD is. This is BS.
Really, it's all just about teaching these people how to control and channel their powerful emotions.
Just because a powerful boxer may have a bout of explosive rage doesn't mean he has to let his fists start flying, hurting everything around him. The same is true with people who have powerful emotions.
I frequently explain that Borderlines are like the comic persona, Dr. Bruce Banner, the hulk.
When they lose their emotional cool (which happens if even MINOR stuff like someone cutting them off in traffic), if they don't learn self-mastery like Dr. Banner, their Hulk will take over, for hours, sometimes days, leaving a wake of hurting people (typically those closest to them, esp. children) behind them.
And like Dr. Banner, daily meditation, prayer and the development of self-constraint and self-control coupled with the learning of how to properly channel huge emotional energies are all they need to live much more happy and fulfilling lives, without tearing to pieces those closest to them.
Counseling and/or medication certainly help many people, too. But at the end of the day, it mostly comes down to their willingness and ability to accept personal responsibility for their actions.
I've found a good, concise guide called How to Self-Manage BPD that is like a cheat sheet for conquering the malady.
The first step is acceptance; the next is to accept responsibility and start on the path toward recovery.
Anon said (July 26, 2012):
It is my experience that there are indeed 2 types of BPD's as described here but I diverge in that all BPD's are to be feared.
It is my belief that Narcissistic Confident types have a disincentive to change in that continuing unabated in their behavior is a defense against owning the incredible amount of damage they inflict on others.
Further, as BPD's (misery) love company (they don't act out in social isolation or without an "audience") and their greatest fears are rejection and abandonment, staying engaged AT ANY LEVEL with a BPD not already recovering both validates and enables them. Avoid head banging by making sure the desire to change is theirs and not yours. Run, don't walk from BPD's is my advice and, please, don't subject your children to these types. For BPD in popular culture, Leave Her To Heaven will give you a crash course though I suspect it's really MPD/DID being depicted.