Dawn said (July 28, 2017):

Another sad commentary on modern life in the west. I dated someone for awhile that had BPD many years ago. Miserable it was!!! Always wanted to borrow money! Once I realized I couldn't play social worker with him, I arranged to get my money back (it worked!) and ended the already dead-ended relationship (if I can even call it that). He behaved like a recalcitrant child. Thank God for His amazing intervention and plans for my life! I met and married a prince among man! A true gentleman. Next month we celebrate 14 years of marriage! Thankful, I am!!!

Good articles! I learn a lot.

Brendon O'Connell said (July 28, 2017):

Sounds like Israel.

AA said (July 27, 2017):

Read your article on BPD and just had to write in -I can totally sympathize with the gentleman who wrote this article. For me, it was not my wife who gave me the horrors of BPD abuse-it was my mother. I diagnosed my mother as having borderline personality disorder, from a very early age. I knew, that my mother was 'not normal'; that, she had severe mental health problems that would leave any sane person running a 100 miles in the opposite direction-yet, to those uninitated with my mother's inner personality-she was a saint, the most outwardly charming lady you could ever meet.

All the symptoms described in the article aptly describe my mother to the hilt. It has helped me make sense of the horrendous abuse I had to put up with during my adolescent years, and during the time when I was supposed to mature into a confident, strong independent man.

That was all robbed from me. I spent my twenties, and thirties, living under the torrid shadow of my bully mother; half the man, weak, anxiety driven, impotent, suicidal. I would ask God, why on earth could I not have a simple, sweet, loving mother just like everybody else-someone who actually was able to demonstrate natural maternal instincts.

To be on the receiving end of emotional abuse from your mother instead of your wife, is far far worse. You are not sure how to respond to your own mother, for the sake of not hurting her feelings, so you end up putting up with it, without realizing how your inner self is slowly disintegrating.

When I did challenge, and show my disgust and anger, my mother would simply retreat into her corner, and sob like a wounded 6 year old child, lamenting on how she never had a life with my father. I look at my mother now, and I forever, look back on the damage she had put me through -the loss of my career; 5 failed relationships, one where an ex carried out an abortion whilst 5 months pregnant.

And yet, my mother was always the victim-there could be no other way. No one was the wiser-I was the mean, inconsiderate son, who was emotionally neglecting my frail, vulnerable mother in her time of need.

My faith in Islam has been my bedrock, and has helped me contextualize everything enormously. I have forgiven my mother, I love her and provide for her emotionally and physically assist in her day to day activities. It is what God commands us to do.

But it is a struggle for me, and the memories of the past still distract my mind as I try to make sense of what the hell went on, all those years ago. Your article on BPD, has greatly helped me make sense and achieve some semblance of peace.

Tony B said (July 27, 2017):

What is being described here is another reason that God set up the family with the husband/father as the HEAD; the wife/mother SUBJECT to him. With exceptions, women MUST be kept under control by men. It is the only way to keep sanity in the family as women are not geared toward proper control on their own. They seem to have a "give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile" syndrome.

It seems this dual personality exists in practically all women. What man has not noticed that his "goody two shoes" wife toward the public can be a real bitch at home where she feels she can drop her facade, with or without reason?

Laws that cater to the whims of women in the name of "the weaker sex" are laws designed to destroy the family and thus civilization. As, left to their own judgment, women in general are also weaker in discernment of proper deportment of themselves.

Sid Green said (July 27, 2017):

The behaviors described in the article are demonic possession I do not believe that years of psychotherapy can have any effect at all, but I think that only God can heal someone from this kind of disorder. Jesus cast out unclean spirits. BPD is the work of unclean spirits Social Science view of the world is an intellectual dead end, and psychotherapy is either an elaborate scam or the work of naive people afloat, intellectually and spiritually at sea

Al Thompson said (July 27, 2017):

Instead of calling it BPD, why not call it Ass-brain? That is the condition where the person doesn't know the difference between his head and his rear end. The problem here is a lack of morals and respect; it is not a psychological condition. Psychology is junk science. If women would simply accept their natural role in the family, they would have more peace and respect from their husbands.

Mothers need to be at home with their children and the men need to man-up and make the money. They should be earning enough to support the whole family. The men should develop their skills enough to make themselves more attractive to higher paying jobs.

Personally, I don't see how any woman can raise children and have a career. Some might be able to do it, but after watching my family through the years, I just don't see how single moms can do it. It is a handful raising children with both the mother and the father.

Women need to grow up and men need to be more mature. The combination of an infantile woman and an immature man is a recipe for disaster.

http://verydumbgovernment.blogspot.com/2015/08/psychology-is-junk-science.html

Marc said (July 16, 2012):

Victoria (below) is giving very bad advice,
first because she doesn't understand
a basic fact of life, the momentary division
between predator killer and victim.
She writes as if all adults had equal strength.
This is classic New Age propaganda confusion.
She is refusing to see the distinction
and label the emotional predator.

Second, because she has no moral values,
she doesn't want to protect the loving victims.
This is a view of life between lovers as eternal war
needing constant balancing of power.

This reflects heartless egalitarian upbringing
locking people in life-long power struggles.

Coexistence with an emotional blackmail terrorist
is only possible if you fully own the common space
and upon rule-breaking can make her leave your room
and retire to the one you assign her.
Just as needed with a tantrum temper child.

Love needs protection.
BPDs are victims of emotional childhood torture
copying and perpetuating it as adult perpetrators.
They are in a hidden permanent state of fear
and war using deception to weaken and dominate.
They can be cunning but their actions
are usually self-destructive too.
BPD is a societal cancer destroying loving Altruists
as secondary victims; those who have been
oppressed by their BPD-mothers are most at risk.

Rick said (July 11, 2012):

10% Sir? I think you are wayyyy off. Another thing, the word BPD is fairly new. 20 years ago, we had a different word for it. Psychology, who has not done Jack s... to improve society, came up with this name so they can prescribe the garbage they give to these women.

Laura said (July 11, 2012):

As an American women, 58 years old, who has struggled against these psychopaths for years, and been in these programs in my youth, which abused me horribly, and have found peace and understanding, and am active in trying to awaken people., and continue political and social action ("tough love" and other means), I take exception to your focusing on women, or American women, or some other country.

It's pervasive. Let's find other focuses to get people involved, and more reasonably focused on the true enemies here, which can and have been identified. Use your minds and intuition, please! Everyone has them, even 9 year olds. In fact, please consult a 9-yr old about this.

You may find and get more usable information to spread.

--
Laura

This is the way Zach wrote it, and I'm sorry if you or women with BPD don't like it.

Henry

Anthony said (July 11, 2012):

That is a great article on BPD. Very much that I was suffering from too. My wife was very successful in many ways and for years we entertained a loving and warm friendship.

Then we got married.

Many things similar: the evenings were worst. During the day she was mostly normal, but during the evenings she exploded. To the outside she upheld a pleasant, spontenaous, social persona.

I suffered also from the 'Learned Helpnessness' thing that Zach writes about in the comment. A left over from a depressing childhood.

I was also touched by this: "One of the saddest aspects of the BPD pattern is that most husbands of BPD's are honest, God-fearing, highly empathetic and otherwise powerful men. Frankly, no one else could or would put up with their abuse or have faith that they'd get better. "

I've thought that so often, but hardly dare say it.

Unfortunately I got out of it in the worst possible way: by hitting her. I got so angry at some point. That's the problem with "learned helplessness": you don't figure out a sensible solution. Since then she's in total rage mode. It's not that I badly mauled her or anything, she didn't need any medical attention or whatever. I didn't even hit her head, just the body. Just a bruise or two. And of course: I was wrong, that's not the point.

But of course the feminist police state came barging in in the middle of the night with ten cops. Here in Holland, if some fool kicks the living daylight out of somebody on the streets, he'll be back on the streets in two hours. But a father losing control after four years of major emotional (and physical at times) abuse, will spend weeks in jail and get a restraining order thank you very much. I haven't seen my kids in months.

Everybody ostracized me after the event, including my parents and closest friends. You don't hit the lady, do you.

The problem is: I never talked about our problems, kept them between us. Another big mistake. But after I lashed out, she began a massive proactive PR campaign towards my entire network. Now everybody thinks I'm some kind of psychopath. It's just incredible.

thank God for God, otherwise I'd 've gone completely insane the last few months.

Marcos said (July 11, 2012):

Great article ! This behavior is very similar to men who drink and abuse their wives, with the difference that women don't need to drink to be abusive. This is not only a disease, it is a moral fault, based on egotism and pride. Billions have been spent on abused women, it is time to expose the ordeal of abused men.

Reader Roger is right: women do this in the West because men let it. It takes a codependent man to take this. Unfortunately, in other regions, these women do exist, but they make their servants, daughters and relatives suffer instead, because they know their husbands won't tolerate the behavior. Stories of terror from mothers-in-law towards wives are common. Let's not be naive and think Asia or the Middle East is better.

Christine said (July 11, 2012):

There used to be a cultural understanding that we ought not speak ill of the dead because they are not alive to defend themselves. Perhaps your writer on the late Mrs. Kennedy ought to think of that the next time he publicly accuses dead people of bad behavior.

In Mrs. Kennedy's case, she was apparently on anti-depressant medications, or more aptly called depressant medications. They are known to make people homicidal and suicidal. See:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/07/nyregion/antidepressants-found-in-mary-kennedy-autopsy.html

These days, it seems that every time you turn around, someone is diagnosed as being bipolar, depressed, "borderline disorder," or whatever. In my opinion, the reason that both sexes are going crazy is the decline of faith, morals, and food supply.

Your brain can't work right if you don't feed it the nutrients it needs to function properly. Don't know about Canada, but the soil in the USA has been demineralized for decades. Your brain needs minerals to work right.

And your brain won't work right if you feed it hormone disruptors and other toxins found in plastics, pesticides, auto chemicals, paints, legal and illegal drugs, etc. Hippocrates said "let thy food be thy medicine." These days, we have reversed it to "let thy medicine be thy food." There has to be a better way.

Susanne said (July 11, 2012):

Your article on borderline personality disorder was of particular
interest to me. I was married to a man for 30 years who exhibited
these characteristics, though at the time I'd never heard of "BPD."
To be on the receiving end of his rage was a soul-killing experience.

I kept thinking it was all my fault; if I were only prettier, smarter,
a better cook, housekeeper, etc., the abuse would stop, so I tried to be all of these things. But it was no use. One minute I'd be the apple of his eye. The next minute I was a b-t-ch, every imaginable dirty word in the book. Any attempt to leave resulted in punishments I rather not describe.

It took 30 years to recognize the folly of trying to create order out of chaos. I finally did escape, but not without lasting scars to
myself and my children.

But there is a happy ending to all of this. I met and married the
most wonderful man: sane, loving, and rational! Thank God for second chances!

And thanks again for a great article. Knowledge is power. Maybe it
will save someone else from making my mistake.

Lisa said (July 11, 2012):

This was a great subject to talk about. It's striking how similar BPD and DID(used to be Multiple Personality Disorder) are. These two disorders are results of deep trauma and or abuse- the behavior they exhibit are coping mechanisms. I'm not saying what these people do is OK, but I think it gives insight into their actions. Yet why be the White Knight if all you come across is a fire breathing Dragon?!

Zach (author) said (July 11, 2012):

Having been for years with someone with BPD, I can tell all the doubters that it literally is like brainwashing. Entire years can flash by like Adam Sandler in the movie Click (2006) with you in a sort of daze as life flies by. For instance, one year I looked at a year's worth of debit charges and realized I had only bought one book, rented one DVD, and gone to the movies once. That entire year! That was so atypical for me in my 20s and it was only on that realization that I realized what a prison I had found myself in. On top of that, I hadn't talked to any of my friends in over a year, I saw family maybe once every three months or less.

I remember typing into Google, "Why is my girlfriend angry all the time?" and finding my first description of BPD in a men's magazine article. Shortly after, I went to a psychologist trained in BPD and it was determined that I had been inflicted with something called Learned Helplessness Disorder, and a form of Stockholm Syndrome. After just a few sessions on how to construct mental barriers, i was able to largely reclaim my life and get on the road toward recovery. Only then did I realize just how out of whack my situation was.

Sure I knew it was bad at times, but I honestly didn't realize how low I had gotten until that point.

Stephen Coleman said (July 11, 2012):

I look at it this way: there are only two things in life, thoughts and emotions. Every thought has an emotion behind it, the emotion comes first. It takes time and vigilance to learn to recognize this and is generally easier for women than men to learn this.

The out of control emotions can be relieved (Note, I don't say controlled) quite easily with the proper tools. Emotions bubble up from the subconscious and most of us are unaware what lurks in there. Tools like EMDR, EFT, BSFF, TAT can get relief depending on the skills of the practitioner. Instead of decades in psychotherapy, changes can be seen in weeks.

However the best tool I have found is called Inner Influencing developed by Paul Greblick, it really gets the deep stuff.

The common denominators with PDs is a total lack of self worth and lack of self love.

People with personality disorders can seem charming, loving and warm, but behind closed doors become Mr. Hyde. An abused person often suffers in silence because they are disbelieved that their charming spouse is a demon in disguise.

Needless to say, family members and partners of people with PDs suffer, can be emotionally reduced to worms and recovery can take many years with conventional therapy. All in all it is best to avoid these people unless you want to be miserable. But you can't always tell who they are.

Roger said (July 11, 2012):

The reason BPD is confined to the West is that in traditional cultures, they don't let women get away with this kind of behavior. If the men are emasculated, the women will run riot. The real cause of BPD is the sense of entitlement Western women have been given.

Jim said (July 11, 2012):

his is a very good article. I lived with three different BPD's; my mother and two wives.

My mother was abusive in many ways. She was a hitting, screaming, name calling, crazy bitch.

My first wife beat me up twice...the first time was because I didn't fix lunch for her because she wouldn't tell me what she wanted to eat. I guess she wanted me to read her mind.

My second wife was worse than the either my mother or my first wife. She had a unique way of convincing me that everything was my fault and that I was always wrong in all that I said or did.

I once told her, "You don't have to correct everything I do." She replied by snapping her finger and pointing it at me saying, "If I see something wrong, I'm going to correct it...snap...like that!!!" The thing is, I never knew when I was going to do something wrong. She kept moving the target which left me always guessing.

She accused me many times of infidelity, making her "feel abandoned", and of lying. She didn't like me being around my family or my friends. She even accused me of having a homosexual relationship with a long time buddy. (That was demoralizing). She controlled everything we did and spent money on. Everything had to meet with her approval and she had veto power. If she didn't like it, it wasn't going to happen.

And if I ever went against her wishes there would be hell to pay.

I was, effectively, neutered.

We eventually divorced. It took about a year for me to regain my wits. I no longer feel guilty because of how I spend my money, who I talk with, or hanging out with my family.

I will probably never remarry. The risk of entering another abusive relationship is just too great.

Paul said (July 11, 2012):

Hi Henry. A really good article on BPD. This is a “condition” that is so nebulous and slippery. The recipient is often not sure what is going on, whether their spouse is “Just kidding” and the abuse to their children is usually overlooked.

I experience BPD with a borderline alcoholic (if there is such a thing). We osculated from “Your the best” to “You have no heart”. Never knowing where I stood became the order of the day. Sexual blackmail was included coupled with accusations of infidelity and outrageous claims that I was sleeping with basically everyone, none of which was true.

Then add in the fact that I had/have my own issues one of which is “White Knight syndrome” and trying to be perfect....well it made for a crazy, and I mean crazy relationship. Eventually after being reduced to a blabbering idiot I could not take any more.

Fortunately we have managed to create a relationship after several years apart and my ex-wife has worked hard on improving and conquering her addictions. However, for me it was too little and too late. I now only function in a very basic capacity. Shame really as I provided everything that I could and more so and built a lavish lifestyle that many would be happy with.

S said (July 10, 2012):

one of the best articles in recent weeks that BPD piece. Really valuable, I see some similarities with my former Ex!

Brian said (July 10, 2012):

Let's look at the other side of the coin, shall we. Although BPD may be very real, let us keep in mind that #1 Kennedy's ARE illuminati, #2 they have been known for scandals involving murder, #3 they have been known for scandals involving extramarital affairs #4 they have been known for not being 100% truthful; i could go on, but i'm sure you get the point. If you were married to a Kennedy, I guarantee that at a minimum, you would have a tendency to over drink.

Are we supposed to believe that it took producing four children before he finally figured out something was wrong? Let's get real here, people! Not to mention that if you were an attractive woman divorcing a multimillionaire with four children, never having to work a day in your life for the rest of your life, without your cheating husband around; you certainly would not kill yourself! Who really stands to lose? What would be the motive for a multimillionaire in a divorce case, involving four kids to "off" his wife?

Al Thompson said (July 10, 2012):

When a woman gets angry, most of them don't know how to control it and they don't realize just how damaging their words are to whoever is on the receiving end. I can still remember them 30 years later, and I certainly wouldn't ever want to go through that experience again. Psychology won't help as it is scientifically deficient in almost every way; self-control will get the job done.

http://verydumbgovernment.blogspot.com/2012/03/defeating-evil-suppressing-anger.html

I highly recommend that your readers go to the link above and read the short article I have written. But most importantly, that they read Mandate #5 from an early Christian writing called the Shepherd of Hermes. I also recommend an early Christian writer called Tertullian. I have put links to those two articles in my essay. This is an excellent article on how to avoid anger and recognizing that when anger starts up in a person, it should be treated just like any other temptation. Knowing that murder is against God's commandments, and anger is the beginning of it, it only makes sense to learn how to control it. I think the Shepherd of Hermes gets the job done. And I think that if my wife and I knew the dynamics of this destructive emotion, I may have been able to save my marriage.

Derek said (July 10, 2012):

This is absolutely %100 percent true I've lived through it myself prior to getting married. It is also, almost impossible to imagine how an adult male or female can have "The maturity level of a 3 - 6 year old" until you've expereinced it for yourself, a weak handle on reality is an understatement. It seems more like insanity. or as I used to tell her "life with you is like walking on eggshells in a glass house"

I luckily followed my gut instincts and pushed for an end to the relationship (we were engaged) It was heart breaking and took me years to figure out what had happened, why and most importantly rebuild my sense of masculinity.

This article describes to a tee (minus the suicide) what I lived though....Wish I had these links and resources 4 years ago. but thanks :)