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Henry Makow's Best Quips (Updated)

December 16, 2023



(My headstone. Some lines are just intended to shock and get a laugh.
I'm re-posting this for new readers who may appreciate a good line as much as I do.
A good line is pure gold. I open my vault to you.
 "The conspiracy is like the weather. Everyone talks about it but no one does anything about it."
Updated from Nov. 23, 2017 and August 11, 2021
by Henry Makow PhD
All that is required for the triumph of evil is for good men to be given good jobs.  
Prejudice is another word for experience. 
It's not Right or Left that matters, it's Right or Wrong
Homeopathic dog training. (Whisper the commands under your breath.)
When I attended university, we were told to question authority. Today, students are told to question their gender. 
Feminism harnessed the political power of women who couldn't get a date on Saturday night (and ensured their ranks swelled.) 
Our true wealth is measured by the things we love.
I don't have to avoid temptation; temptation avoids me.
As an ethnic Jew, I assimilated into the mainstream Christian culture.
 I became a Cherokee in 19th century America.
A man's religion is his day. (It's not what you believe; it's what you do.) 
You have to be good to feel good. 
The law of personalities. Big personalities should marry little personalities.
In choosing a mate, seek someone with lower self-esteem than you.
I looked in vain for someone to believe in me when I wouldn't believe in myself. No one believes in people who don't believe in themselves. We seek from others the belief we won't give ourselves.
Most of our problems are due to "humanism" - the idea that man is the measure of all things. Humanism is a solipsism. God Consciousness is the measure of all things. What people say or do is best ignored unless it manifests Consciousness. But the best place is to find God is not in art or knowledge, or other people, but in ourselves.
Referring to my early fame as "Ask Henry" (1961-1964) - Advice to Parents from a Kid, in 40 newspapers:   (YouTube of me on What's My Line in 1962. Start at 11 min)
I have a great future behind me.
Like Egypt and Greece, I peaked too early. 
Over time, physical beauty fades but love grows. 
We are grains of sand in a desert of time.
I am the "Father of Socio-dynamics." (I wanted to be the "Father of Hygiene" but my son wouldn't change his name.)
Three laws of socio-dynamics. 1. We are attracted to people who have something we want. 2. We are repulsed by people who want something from us. 3. We are indifferent to people who don't fall into either category above. Special Fourth Law - We are attracted to people who may have something we may want in the future. 
(Organized Jewry is Communism)
Attending university "remotely" is like ordering take-out from Hooters.
We begin life with exalted expectations followed by a long, gradual disillusionment until finally, we meet death with perfect equanimity.
Old age and death are our final humiliation.  So why be attached to this world when it's only temporary?
Is someone who admits he is a hypocrite still a hypocrite?
    I have never been this happy in my lifetime. But I am still miserable because humanity is going down the drain.
I don't want to be on your "to-do" list. 
After making a shipwreck of my life, I am cast up on the shores of old age.  My past is a blooper reel.
I am an old man but I don't feel like an old man.
"It was an up-day in the bear market of his mind." 
The way to impress women - Don't Try. 
Nothing demystifies women like marriage.
People don't age so much as ripen and spoil, like bananas.
(l. Lindsay Lohan)
The older I get, the younger I feel. (The Truth does make you free.)
If you live each day like it's your last, do you still have to clean the house? 
Me: You can't teach an old dog new tricks.  
Wife: Yes you can, but you're not a dog.
Teaching was bringing answers to people who had no questions. [They were the wrong answers--I was a socialist) bu-- the observation still applies.]
A professor-evaluation asked, "What is the best thing about Dr. Makow's class?"  
One girl answered, "Not too early in the morning, and not too late in the afternoon."
My default response to life is a combination of Denial and Disbelief.
As "Lao Tzu"
The mind is a prison where thoughts torture the soul. 
The pursuit of happiness is the main cause of unhappiness.
We have a stark choice: Conversion (to God's service) or endless thankless Diversion
We are slaves to the world inversely to our devotion to God. 
Empty your mind of all thought. What's left is the real you. (Why do we assume we must think all of the time?) 
c.2023 Henry Makow  (i.e. it's not plagiarism if you acknowledge the source.)  

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Henry Makow's Best Quips (Updated)"

IN said (August 12, 2021):

Here is my favourite. Found it at a grave from the 19th century. I had to visit a site to get it from a time when the gravestone was less blemished.

"Safe in the arms of Jesus sweetly my soul shall rest." I change "Jesus" to "Yeshua" in my reading.

Read it a few times. It really does make one feel at rest. Often times I say it a few times if I am not at peace.

I am convinced that the Holy Spirit moves along these words.

ISX said (September 9, 2020):

This is a very entertaining page. Thousands of years ago, only the tiniest percentage of populations were literate, and so, "wisdom sayings" played a major role in the intellectual/philosophical understandings of the people. Because of their concise character, and because so many of such sayings embody a kind of, "cognitive surprise-package", they have endured over the ages, and remain popular even today. Years ago,I saw one very clever quip in - of all things - a cookbook for American housewives. On each recipe-page, there would be an aphorism, a maxim. [ They had no connection with the recipe featured on that page. ] And one of these sayings was this one: " Love is blind - and marriage is - an eye-opener! "

I visit your web-page regularly, and I find the contents outstanding for their originality and their courageous boldness in conveying ideas that so many other websites find absolutely - "too hot to handle".

Ray said (September 8, 2020):

"Keeping a Gratitude Journal is a thankless task."

ZP said (July 19, 2019):

Henry this is by far the funniest expression of truths I’ve heard in a long time. I thank God for your courage, genius and wit.

Skip said (July 17, 2019):

Words cannot express how much I enjoyed this.

Paul said (July 17, 2019):

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to be given good jobs."

This is so true. I know of many good Christian men with good jobs and pensions who won't even march in a pro-life parade much less write a letter. And many say, "Christ is coming soon. He'll fix everything."

CK said (April 19, 2018):

If it wasn't for time, everything would happen at once.

Al Thompson said (April 19, 2018):

I'm not Jewish but I had the operation.
Courtesy of the Russian Rabbi I. Cutchapeckeroff.

I love you, honey, until the money runs out.

Roses are reddish, and violets are blueish, if it wasn't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish.

Do unto others but do it first.

Turn the other cheek and hit him again.

What does a Cadillac sound like speeding through Beverly Hills? Jeeeeeewwwwww!!

If I had it to do all over again, I'd do it all over you.

As Confucius may have said, women who drive upside down have hairy crack-up.

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.

From, Commiefornication in the Jewnited States of Kikestan

JG said (April 19, 2018):

As a1st Sergeant once told us in the military.
"People, opinions, and political views are always changing with the public.They don't remain constant".
When did a rose quit being a rose?
Another one I heard years ago was,
"Happiness is the byproduct of discipline".
When did short-term gratification in exchange for long-term misery ever become a good deal?

Hank Williams once did a song called 'Wealth won't Save your Soul'.

How very true this is. You don't even hear the word "soul" much used anymore these days. It has been gutted out of people's consciousness by the atheist secular de-humanists.
There are a lot of 'New Age' beliefs out there today. One of them is similar to the Hindu belief of Reincarnation that we keep coming back until we "get it right". If this is the case what then do we come back as? A man or woman? A Chinamen or an Englishmen? And, how long before we come back and where? Are we "not to worry" because we'll have another chance at it the next time around?

If we believe this then do we also believe that Jesus Christ died on the Cross for nothing? Salvation is now and not in a past or future life.

It's all about Jesus Christ. He has been given the authority over heaven and earth. There is no way into the 'Kingdom of Heaven" without him, it's his kingdom.

Ian M said (April 19, 2018):

Hi Henry, Just been reading your article my best quips and smiling. Some great ones there. I only can add one or two of mine. Please feel free to steal any that you like.

1. If you don't want to be you, who would you rather be or a wasp.
2. The truth is not decided by majority vote.
3. Lastly, If you don't start drinking in the morning, you can't drink all day.

Keep writing Henry, we disagree on some stuff, agree on other stuff, but I don't mind that, if you don't mind that, it's life.

Altez said (November 24, 2017):

I phone is the new golden calf.

DG said (November 24, 2017):

My sayings.

1. When faced with a powerful authority just say YES and do NO.

2. Always remember you have two choices. Most people believe they have no choice.

3. True contentment is doing nothing successfully.


Serge said (November 23, 2017):

You wrote : « I judge a religion by its effect on the believer's life. If believing in Heaven makes a person wholesome and happy, that's all that matters. In other words, religious belief has to be reverse-engineered. Believe what makes you a better, happier person. »

We can not agree with this pure subjectivism. God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth - and this is objectively demonstrable - exists independently of the opinion of his creatures. As a machine manufacturer - and how much more! - It is He and no one else who provides the instructions for use and the purpose of his work. That of man is the return to his Creator and the purpose of the (brief) earthly life is to deserve it. What better reward for the one who all his life was strained towards the Good, the Beautiful and the True, than to see them face to face in the person of God ? !

If you were right, everyone would be right, especially Jacques Attali who just said that he would have managed his life if the world was slightly worse after him ( !


Thanks Serge

How do you know this is subjective? It may be God speaking to you.


Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at