Coping With A Personal Financial Crisis
March 25, 2010

By Don Bradley
don@uwantson.com
A very
patient friend of mine is going through a crisis of disruption of life...
...as are
many people these days, as the world's economies continue to slide into
the abyss. This is something I know a little about, because this has happened
to me at least a dozen times, as I've watched everything I knew, built,
planned for, and hoped for, dissolve right under my feet, regardless of any
effort made to change its outcome. You can discern this occurrence in your life
by the following factors.
1. Nothing you do seems to make a difference. In fact, just the opposite
occurs.
2. People you trust and have made endless sacrifices for, reveal to you how little you really mean to them. Instead, they take advantage of your situation, knowing you are at the end of your rope.
3. 200% efforts to make changes in any direction are met by a thousand and one obstacles, all of them seemingly working in concert to make matters worse.
4. Opportunities appear and then vanish very quickly, before you can realize them.
5. Friends and friendships become visible for what they really are, or have been, all along.
6. Everything and every goal you've striven for is erased from your life, one after another, with perfect regularity.
7. You find yourself alone, watching others move forward as your life comes to a halt on every level: financial, work, home, everything.
8. Wishing does no good.
9. Acting does no good.
10. You can point to a day on
the calendar--very near at hand--when you will be destitute, ruined,
and will have nothing, except that which you truly own free and clear and
without any encumbrances. Even those things are in danger of loss, if they have
no place to reside.
If you are over the age of 40, multiply all of the above by a factor of 10.
And there you are. Frustrated. Angry (some are, others not.) Without any
visible hope or way out. Checkmate. You're done.
Your days become zombie-like. You walk about numb, feeling nothing. Having
nothing. Seeing nothing but doom, as it relentlessly creeps forward to consume
all that you have, are, or ever will be.
This crisis is indeed an opportunity. A spiritual opportunity.
For whatever reasons, life has forced you into a state of being where all that
is external and outside yourself is being stripped away from you, piece by
piece, until all that is left is you. All the busy-busy of your life has
stopped, because it no longer exists. You've been dropped from the busy
external games of life, by force. This creates a condition where we must, at
long last, face ourselves. Who we really are. Then, if we see this rightly, we
can ask the questions we should have been asking all along.
Who am I?
Where am I going?
What do I really need?
What is it that I want? And why do I really want it?
If that which is outside myself is ephemeral, what then truly matters?
For these are spiritual questions, dear friends. And life is forcing you to
confront yourself because quite probably you've spent your entire life in
pursuit of illusions that in the end, mean nothing. For many of us, we only
face who we truly are when we've been stripped of everything. EVERYTHING.
ALL OF IT.
Then, we realize the only things that are still with us are things that were
honestly built upon LOVE, SACRIFICE, COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING, and so on.
These last. These continue. Everything else? Up in smoke, like they never
existed at all. Ever.
Once a person finds themselves in this situation, they can then rebuild their
lives upon proper principles, which do last. Yes, you may find yourselves
living in your car for 11 months, and over and over again, but you are now a
person who understands, sees, knows, and truly lives. Your motives have
changed. Your spirit is now led by the principles which the truly greats have
always understood. To live is to love, know, see, be, and do.
Once the above has occurred, you find that wow, you are free. Possessions mean
nothing. For you know them to be nothing. Friendships for you are now built
upon correct foundations, rather than self-serving, egoistic, or corrupt
pursuits. Your daily life consists of finding meaning and as you go along, lo
and behold, you do find it, in ways that your former self would have laughed
at. That self that was lost in carnal pursuits, driven by blind ambitions;
fueled by greed, avarice, ego, and fear.
The above awareness may come in a few days, months or sometimes, it takes
years. But it does come.
Finally, at long last, life begins to reveal to you your real reason for being.
You see it everywhere, all around you. You must learn to love, understand, care,
live, and learn. Any chance you can, whatever the cost. Then, for the first
time, you know you are living correctly. Every day, even in abject poverty, is
beautiful, filled with love, and correctly lived. You'll never take
anything for granted again: health, love, a sunrise, a great passage that gives
insight, your beating heart.
Sure, you'll still get stingers from time to time, just to remind you of
the illusions of it all, but these are there so that you can make straight your
once winding road. They remind you that deviation from this opportunity will
only lead you back to the same place so why not keep going forward as you have
learned to do.
Will you miss the old life? No.
You will look back on all those missed opportunities to be a better person, the
person you have now become. That's all the past will mean to you. All the
correct actions you could have taken, but didn't, will stand out as
beacons of true failure. The stuff, the money, the positions of power, these
will be seen for the dead-ends they really were. You will see those lost in
these dead-ends all around you, and understand. You will be patient in the
extreme, because you know what they still do not know. Their turn will come,
one day, as yours has come now.
All the best to you and may your life be filled with every blessing.
Frank said (March 29, 2010):
With all due respect, Yoda, the apparent author of this article seems to think he's stumbled onto something universal, when in fact he has just pulled a big hunk of lint from his own navel, like thousands of would-be prophets and seers before him. For all those, like him out there for whom no one else matters, this is a great piece, the basis of many an unencumbered person's raison d'etre and a gently instructive salve for every body who lost all the crap they could never afford, anyway, but for those of us with truly dependent dependents, who never weighted ourselves down with all that materialistic crap in the first place, it is less than no kind of sensible advice or comfort.
I am 50. College educated, more than once, with some graduate work, to boot. I've been out of work for almost 14 months, this time, not to mention the other two years out of the last six.
My wife doesn't work outside the home, to speak of, as she has provided full time care for our physically disabled son during all his 20+ years. Getting in touch with our spiritual selves, while living in a car isn't an option, when we have to have electricity to run our son's breathing machine, hospital bed and other life support functions, and neither is going without insurance, when his medical bills may come to over $250,000 in a given year.
In a world of $1,500/month COBRA premiums, free, government provided heart surgery for fast food fanatics and drunks, $26,000 wheelchairs, home modifications that you haven't been able to afford to make for year upon year, and prohibitively expensive vehicle modifications that preclude any attempt to upgrade your son's quite over-used means of transportation, your brand of pseudo-stoic transcendence, though appealing, doesn't mean so much.
It has been so long since I learned it, both the easy way and the hard, that I don't remember ever not knowing that the things of this earth will never satisfy, and I heartily agree that there is too much stuff in everyone's life, failing to fill holes that only a spiritual being will ever find filled, but I've little pity for them, as I'd gladly part with everything I've ever owned, ever will own and any more I could steal, if my son could have the chance to lead a normal life and find his way, even if it meant making all the same mistakes that I have made.
So, who is it that you're talking to, or speaking for? Not me, and not those for whom it is much worse.