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Can We Remove Sex from M/F Relationships?

July 29, 2012

playboy.jpegand see each other as people again?

(l. They have created an hypnotic fantasy: romance and hook- ups.)

If I could do it over, I would not let primitive
 reproductive instincts dominate my life.

by Henry Makow Ph.D.

As I get older, I notice
that my attitude to women and sex is becoming more "Biblical" -- not due to the Bible, but to experience.

For a man, I think women and sex are usually a major diversion and impediment to realizing his goal, ultimately serving God, the principle of his self-development.

If not for sex, would men and women even associate?

Some men have Platonic friendships with women but is this common?

Male-female relationships are rooted in sexual attraction. We are hardwired to procreate; it's our most powerful biological instinct. Men want almost every fertile female they see; females want babies.

Our Illuminati masters have tweaked this powerful instinct for purposes of social control, turning sex from procreation to recreation. They have created a hypnotic fantasy - romance and hook-ups.  

Men and woman now want this fantasy but not children. (Yet, in reality, "sex appeal" is based on reproductive factors.)

pinned1.jpegCoitus has been given a mystical importance, and deemed therapeutic as well. Sex now completely dominates our lives, and sells almost any product. We have been pinned like insects, narrowly defined and degraded.

The culture is obsessed with sex, like the Illuminati-Jews who shape it. But this is another hoax. As Andy Warhol said, "Sex is the biggest nothing in the world." 


If I were 21 again and single, I would not let primitive reproductive instincts dominate my life. Frankly, I would use masturbation to neutralize sexual desire and the power women had over me.  

I would remove sexual attraction from my relations with women. It crowds out everything else. I pursued women that otherwise I wouldn't give the time of day.

Conversely, in my do-over, I would try to connect with women on a profounder level.

Confining sex to courtship and marriage used to do this. If a man and woman wanted to sleep together, they would have to be together first.

Monogamy takes the sex out of other m/f relationships because men and women have to be faithful.


The Bible portrays women as helpmates, not soul mates.

How many people have found their soul mate? Is it realistic?  God is our soul mate. Making someone your soul mate often is infatuation and idolatry.

Can anyone follow your personal spiritual trajectory? Isn't it egotistical to expect this?

I do not accept the Illuminati shibboleths that a man needs (to satisfy) a woman to become a man. Becoming a man has nothing to do with sex. Masculinity involves power and moral courage (being effective, achieving goals,) not sex.   

My attitude to women has become more "Biblical" and in a "do-over," I would downgrade sex in my attitude to women. I suspect my relationships would have improved immensely. I suspect that removing sex is the first step to reclaiming all m/f relationships. We can be brothers and sisters.


Related - Makow - Getting Sex Under Control

Cohabiting With a Monkey

Scruples - the game of moral dillemas

Comments for "Can We Remove Sex from M/F Relationships? "

Jason said (July 31, 2012):

To all you sanctimonious readers traumatized by Henry's thoughts on masturbation: he actually broaches a profound issue.

Many men are driven into marriage by culturally-religiously engineered guilt (not to mention the neurotic, conniving and otherwise undesirable religious women who cultivate and exploit the problem of male 'impurity' in their quest to indenture a husband - 'you need to marry, quick, before you fall into mortal sin again' sort of thing).

The Christian stricture on all conscious forms of sexual release outside of marriage, at least among the young and naïve, creates the perfect psychological conditions for entrapment of the scrupulous, religiously inclined male . . . 'It is better to marry than to burn'.

The so-called Judaic teaching that masturbation is ‘adultery with the self’ is worthy of further investigation. But since the same Rabbi’s taught that a woman could have only one husband but a man could have as many wives as he could manage – or a widow could marry her husband’s brother if he lived in the same town – one ought to take the Jewish concept of adultery with a grain of salt. And since neither Jews nor their God had much time for science or philosophy I’m more inclined to the teaching of the sages that ‘an excess of virtue is in itself a vice.’

M said (July 31, 2012):

I was so disappointed to see the article on masturbation under your byline. I had just alerted a friend from Smith and my entire high school graduating class to your website.

Do you really have to sabotage the good stuff with material of this calibre, and at a time like this, and can you really not tell the difference?

I notice that Reality Zone, Unfiltered News, and most other commentators I read keep it on the up and up.

If you goal was to sully yourself and your website, you succeeded admirably.



Get real. 98% of men need to do this or they wouldn't be able to leave women alone. Sexual desire in men is a curse like menstruation. We handle it the best we can without bothering women. Be grateful we do.

BTW, the article wasn't about this subject; I'm sorry you couldn't see past it.


SK said (July 31, 2012):

don't want to be the puritan or sound like a religious wacko, but at the same time I can't let to testify about things that are true for more crazy it might sound at first. Regarding the masturbation thing. It is pleasurable at the beginning, after it becomes a prison and an adictive nightmare capable of demolish you psychologically , like any other vice or sin a human being gathers throughout his life.But I testify that if you have the Holy Spirit of God living in you, and ask him whithout doubt a yota, these chains won't hold you anymore.Believe it or not I can testify that on my own flesh.



Thanks but I am talking about managing the male sex drive only, not becoming addicted.


Ernie said (July 31, 2012):

I always find the Christian, especially Catholic, stricture on masturbation laughable. They think making a mess of their bed sheets in a ‘wet dream’ is the only natural/moral form of ejaculation outside of marital coitus, even when Yahweh specifically states that if a man spills his seed at night he is defiled until sundown the following day. Ergo all you Christians taking Communion after dumping your load the night before are receiving it unworthily: you are defiled. But then such a ‘hard teaching’ is so unworkable in practice isn’t it? And that's why so many people despise Christian sexual taboos: being unbiblical they stupidly equate a moral fault to a break with Divinity; being imbecilic their adherence in the twenty-first century is incongruous with the catalog of other taboos they no longer uphold.

Sexual continence may or may not be spiritually beneficial but the teaching that ‘our true God given nature was to be void of sexual desire’ is a Gnostic/Manichean not a Christian-Judaic one. Christianity is a hodgepodge religion.

Cliff Shackanada said (July 31, 2012):

Question : How do we root out our sex idea?

Ramana Maharshi : By rooting out the false idea of the body being the Self. There is no sex in the Self. Be the Self and then you will have no sex troubles.

John said (July 30, 2012):

Great article Henry! However promoting masturbation as a viable option is not the answer. It was defined as "commiting adultry with self" by Jewish Law of Old.

As St. Paul tells us we must "crucify the flesh". Why? Because flesh and spirit are opposing natures. Adam and Eve did not know what nakedness was until they ate the Forbidden Fruit of Eden which corrupted the Human Race. Our true God given nature was to be void of sexual desire.

Ami said (July 30, 2012):

Great article...if only I could know then what I know now...too true.
They say hindsight is 20/20...I totally agree with you...after a certain amount of time one understands (if they are lucky) that friendships often last way longer, or relationships with a more noble purpose than sex. It has been said that sex takes the least amount of time, but causes the most amount of trouble!

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it...the hassle to get it though, isn't worth it for me anymore, just to get some! I need more.

For me Charlie Brooker says it best in the very humorous, but very cynical series on how television and advertising "Ruined your life," this link has to do with sex and love.

Dawn said (July 30, 2012):

For this excellent explanation of m/f relationships, I thank you! However, many men, being men, even those who deeply love God, will look on some of us as repositories for all their seed---and if they can't have us for real (because they don't want to be "outed" as adulterers, will fanticize their minds away on us.


"Covenant boundaries in marriage are God's loving protection and it is health to the soul to honor them! Thank you Henry.
"It's much easier to serve Christ than to know Him. It's much easier to imitate than it is to be the genuine article. We need a Quiet Revolution where the saving life of Christ so permeates our being that Jesus Christ Himself is allowed to Be Himself in us right now." Josh White from the CD Quiet Revolution

Wade said (July 30, 2012):

What a great article. I have preached this same sermon for many years. I have often asked friends and family...How many people who are married would have chosen NOT to marry had they
waited until after marriage to have sex??

My guess is a great many people who got married would
not have done it. Having sex before marriage completely clouds and distorts ones judgment about the person we are considering as a life partner. The LAST person on earth we should have sex with is the person we are thinking about marrying. Having sex with someone we are considering for marriage is a recipe for disaster, and the divorce rate and the number of unhappy marriages bears this out.

Now, is it possible to have an unhappy marriage even when people wait to have sex until after they marry? Of course, but do we not really NEED our wits about us and all our antennas in tact at the extremely critical time of making possibly THE most important decision of our lives?

Your courage in tackling these tough an politically incorrect issues is commendable.

Robert said (July 30, 2012):

You sprout a lot of hogwash

Dee said (July 30, 2012):

Interestingly, I too was caught up in that space between "doing my own thing" and "following my values as instructed", and at that time regarded my parents as "square". I found my feet after many years of being a parent taught me just what those values are worth to the human spirit.

I learned that sex is meant to be a physical expression of what the heart already feels because of the shared love between the partners, not something to have fun with because hey, we have these neat parts. I learned that sex without absolute trust within love is empty, emotionally unsatisfying, and depressive to one's self-esteem; nothing more than mutual masturbation, it reduces humankind to rutting animals, and leaves you wondering why you bothered, all that fuss for a few minutes of heavy breathing!

I also learned that when real trust and love are in the room, performance is never an issue, because it is the physical desire to blend completely with the other person, not how you get there, that yields the real pleasure. And sex is not the need: the love is the need. (that said, Henry, a mate is a distraction in a sense, but also one hell of a teacher of how to put love into words and deeds...and some people's souls really need that lesson...)

Bottom line? Manhood is not a body part. Manhood (and womanhood) is love, not lovemaking, in action.

Len said (July 30, 2012):

You are so right on so many of your points here, Henry. Sex and romance is WAY OVER DONE in our present "modern" world of manipulative social engineering.

Both men & women need to transcend this (easily used, misused & manipulated) animal instinct and look toward & work toward the virtue of loyalty, friendship, companionship, TRUE Love {which is looking after the physical & spiritual well being of the other} and learning to help one another and grow toward wholeness as human beings & spiritual beings who MUST (sooner
or later) relate to GOD and Moral Righteousness. - that may seem, to some, a tall order: but it is the very reason we were created, ... whether it is acknowledged or not.

Thanks again for another fine & insightful article.

Zach said (July 30, 2012):

Once I acknowledged I had, indeed, been lusting after and worshiping some abstract ideal female form and my supposed *need* for female appreciation, I found that my relationship with The Creator became far less strained and I stopped feeling the need to be an atheist and could accept the possibility once again. Since then, it's only gotten better.

I know from being in the trenches there are millions of guys like me, and a lot of us are really awesome, even leaders, otherwise.

I think this is one of the main planks in the Elites' social engineering for reduced population, too, since it greatly hinders a large segment of engineers, geeks, and otherwise smart, motivated people from reproducing.

Bill said (July 30, 2012):

Can we remove sex from m/f relationships?


It's called marriage.

Maureen said (July 30, 2012):

Everything you say about men applies to women but even more fatally. The man a woman chooses determines the quality of her life. The Acts of the Apostles ha many things to say about marriage -- about the need to be "equally yoked" (meaning spiritual parity).

But in our youth most of us are too stupid to act wisely; it is the natural order of things to learn from experience. When we make "mistakes," we learn for a certainty (and not based on someone else's say-so) what is right and wrong; these mistakes give us the certainty of our hard-earned convictions.

God watches over us and uses our mistakes to our advantage and to the advantage of our fellow human beings. In your case, Henry, your mistakes have been spun into the gold of your books and blog.

Tony Blizzard said (July 29, 2012):

Marriage is put off way, way, waaaaaaay past puberty these days. True, modern teenagers are not ready for marriage. Why is that? They used to be. People used to be well educated by the eighth grade. Girls knew how to run a home by age 12 at least. Boys knew how to run a farm or whatever at the same ages. They married and began their own families and family responsibilities usually while still teenagers. Thus the fire of sex was quenched naturally and to proper purpose with much more successful families than exist today plus a more loving, lasting bond between young husband and wife.

But today we have "professional" education keeping the young mentally and emotionally children into their planned forever. It is practically considered a sin for young people to marry before they have "seen the world." How damned stupid. All that does is bring garbage into a marriage when it finally does occur.

Much better to have kids grow up in the home, not a damned government school, where they will more often learn the proper necessities for survival and right living. My sons and their families are often asked if they home school their kids (all my grandkids are home schooled and my great grandkids will be too). When such strangers are asked why they conclude that, invariably they reply it is because the kids are so well behaved, as grown ups would be.

It is insane to crudely waste the youthful exuberance and rapid learning abilities of children in government school agendas of playtime planned ignorance. Even in this purposely collapsed economy, for the most part, my home schooled grand kids have had no problem securing good jobs, quickly moving into higher responsibility, high pay, positions at very early ages because they have honest "personal esteem' and abilities resulting from honest accomplishment, not the play acting of government schools, which qualities business owners and management can not help noticing, "sheep skins" notwithstanding. It is true that in the past year or so it has become harder to get a start for those just leaving the nest, not only because of massive offshoring, but also because people who normally would have retired, thus creating openings, are hanging onto their jobs for dear life.

N said (July 29, 2012):

Good stuff Henry keep it coming. You can't get advice like this anywhere else.

There are so many attractive women to chose from here. Its nuts. Lots of nice summer clothes. I agree with "being attracted to just about every fertile female". I have 3 or 4 that I am after.


Thanks N

Just remember, you chase them until they catch you. Make sure it's the right one!

Al Thompson said (July 29, 2012):

The problem is fornication. If I had it all over to do again, I would keep my virginity until I was lawfully married. Fornication is extremely destructive and it ruins those who do it. Looking back on my life, I would have much preferred to bypass sex until marriage. Fornication destroys the relationship between a man and a woman. Sex isn't primitive, it is what it is in its proper context.

I remember reading an early Christian writing where the author said that it was much better for young people to marry early so that they don't burn with passion. The way everything is done now, young people are expected to sit in college, wait to graduate, and then get married before having sex?

That isn't going to happen. It doesn't work that way. If young people got married earlier in their lives, they could then concentrate on making a living instead of sitting in useless classes--learning nothing.

H said (July 29, 2012):

That's what I 've been doing since my teenage years. I have always instinctively known that masturbation is a way to relieve stress without the spiritual corruption of joining the "running after women" subculture ( extremely powerful and all-pervasive here in Brazil ) and all of its associated ideologies ( feminism, PC, strive to be cool and socially accepted etc ).

If fundamentalist Christians have a problem with that and see it as another form of corruption, well, that's their problem. I also never wanted ( or needed ) to be accepted by them.

David said (July 29, 2012):

There are many fine points you make in your post, but masturbation is a grave moral disorder and contrary to the will of God, it is intrinsically evil.

See St. Thomas Aquinas and other Thomistic philosophers for clarification on this point; essentially it is against natural law.


Thanks David,

I am talking about a single man here.


Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at