Reclaiming Male Power in the Viagra Age
July 8, 2013
("This picture is a good argument for brush cuts for all men. If men start to look like men maybe they will start to feel like and act like men." - Steven)
A staple from the early days of savethemales.ca
"Men represent the active principle; women the passive. We are the buyers; they are the sellers. We have the power and if we fail to use it constructively, we will continue to fail women."
Feminism has created a power struggle as women covet the male role and demand men take the female one. A friend describes his married friends as "wolves circling one another." POWER is always the problem: women want to supplant their husbands.
by Henry Makow Ph.D.
(slightly revised from Oct 24, 2001)
You've heard of the "Stone Age," the "Iron Age" and the "Information Age." This is the "Viagra Age" -- the era of male impotence. Television commercials say that 1/3 of all men suffer from "erectile deficiency" attributed to high blood pressure, prostate cancer, or diabetes.
I suspect that the real culprit often is feminism. Women should empower men but for a long time they have been doing the opposite. Instead of taking the little blue pill, men need to reclaim their masculine power.
In the workplace, a man can accept leadership from a competent woman. But in the intimate sphere, a man who takes orders from a woman is not a man, and usually can't perform like one. He sees his mother and feels like a child again.
Power is synonymous with masculine identity. Impotent literally means "powerless." We would never say a woman is "impotent." Rather, she is "infertile" or "frigid" reflecting her passive or receptive role.
A man cannot love if he does not have power. He exercises his power on behalf of his wife and family. Women take away male power and wonder why they aren't loved.
I felt liberated after I finally understood that power is what being a man is all about. I decided to look abroad for a traditional woman. After a misstep in the Philippines (described in my book A Long Way to Go for a Date), I married an educated, intelligent Mexican woman from a secular Jewish background similar to my own. For the first time in my life, I have found contentment and so has she. We have an almost frictionless relationship.
She tells me what she's thinking but she never tells me what to do. She avoids the 4 C's: complain, criticize, control and compete. In the past, women constantly blackmailed me by making childish scenes. I found myself cringing in expectation of this. I do all the shopping and cooking so don't think my relationship is rigid. I do my best to make her happy and I succeed.
The gesture of a man opening a door for a woman illustrates how men and women should relate. We all know a woman can open a door herself. But when a man does it, he is affirming her femininity, beauty or charm. When she accepts this gesture, she is validating his masculine power. This trade, woman surrendering her power in exchange for man's love, is the essence of heterosexuality. In order to develop emotionally, men and women need this mutual validation as much as sex itself. Sex is an expression of it.
Under the toxic influence of feminism, women open their own doors. Neither sex's identity is validated, neither matures emotionally. Men feel redundant and impotent; women feel rejected and unsexed.
RESTORING MALE POWER
The following are some practical tips to help men restore their power.
- The best way to select a woman is to make a reasonable request. If she clicks her heels, salutes and says, "Oui, mon Capitain," she's eligible. On a summer day, I met a young woman who was rollerblading. I asked her to take off her sunglasses so I could see her face. She obeyed. That was a positive early sign. Courtship is the process by which a man earns a woman's trust (love) so that she will accept his leadership. Men express love in terms of benevolent power and perceive women's love as her acceptance of his protection. Similarly, a woman wants a man to make her feel secure.
- Feminism misleads men to pursue "independent" women and to reject the women they actually need. If a woman wants to be "independent," she doesn't want you. If her dating ad says "Are you man enough for me?" or "I'm high maintenance," decline the challenge. Life is too short. Marriage is not about independence. It is about two people becoming one and that only happens when a woman surrenders to a man. Men should focus on women who "look up to" and empower them. If you're looking for your "equal" you're probably still looking for yourself.
- Men give their power to a woman in hopes of getting love, sex and beauty. For a while she is flattered, but ultimately she cannot respect a man she can control. She wants to be drafted not petitioned. She wants a man to have a wholesome vision of his life, in which she has an essential place. This vision need not be elaborate or complicated. It could involve a life focused on mutual values and interests, like children, music, health food, church, or the outdoors.
- There is a book entitled: Why do I Think I am Nothing Without a Man (1982) The author, Dr. Penelope Russianoff, tries to help women overcome this feeling. The truth is, this feeling is grounded in reality. Self-fulfillment for a woman is when the "self" is her husband and children. Women are God's creatures, they self sacrifice and serve; in return, they are deservedly cherished. If the "self" is her personal satisfaction and career, she is already full and filled. Her husband and children are secondary.
- A man wouldn't be attracted to so many beautiful women if he asked, "to which woman can I entrust my spirit?" Similarly, the sex act is very invasive for a woman. The man's spirit invades her being. She is empty and receptive. At the same time, she gives him emotional and spiritual protection. He expands into the space she creates by her acceptance. A man and a woman are like a sword in a sheath. He strengthens her. She shelters him. They become one.
A man can reclaim his identity by recognizing that his power is non-negotiable. It represents his ability to love. It is the essence of his masculinity.
A man should focus on finding a woman who is receptive to him. She may be behind a counter rather than an executive desk.
A single man should be aggressive and quickly sift without concern for rejection. Be wary of feminists and women who hate their fathers.
A man must be prepared to offer the right woman a profound relationship. She is not interested in "hooking up." She is not to be "gamed." She is the ground on which he cultivates a family. He "husbands." Single men are so passive and juvenile today that single women are climbing the walls.Men represent the active principle; women the passive. We are the buyers; they are the sellers. We have the power and if we fail to use it constructively, we will continue to fail women.
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Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at