Apology to a Young Woman for Noticing Her

April 13, 2013

keira3.jpg

(left, Keira Knightley)



Pretty young women are a blessing
from nature, like flowers in Spring.
Don't begrudge older men for appreciating this gift.









by Henry Makow Ph.D.

It seems I owe you an apology.
I passed you on a sidewalk.

I was going east. You were going west. I looked at you as you went by.

My only excuse is that you were in my direct line of vision.

You reminded me of Keira Knightley. You're attractive. But you know that.

Next time I see an attractive female a third my age, I'll avert my eyes. Is that proper etiquette?
 
Would you prefer older men ignored you? Of course you would. 



HOW DID I OFFEND YOU?


There was no expression on my face.

I caught a glimpse of you about ten minutes later in a nearby supermarket.

You were ducking down an aisle and had an ugly scowl on your pretty face.

That's when I realized -- you had seen me first.

I must have offended you by noticing you. In a better world, when you dressed up, they would clear the streets of ineligible males. 

I don't know you. I don't want to know you. 

Happily, nature has ensured that when a much older man is repulsive to young women, the feeling is partly reciprocated. You're nice to see but I am happily married. Your world is foreign to me and vice versa.

It's been an endless, dreary winter and the sight of a beautiful, tastefully dressed young woman in this city is rare.

You're bucking the trend to lesbianism or vulgar sexual exhibitionism. You're a sight for sore eyes. You go girl!

You must get a lot of unwanted attention from men. That's evident from your behavior.

But not every man wants to drag you into a dark alley. We wish you well.

You brighten our day. Take it as a compliment.

-----

First Comment by Anthony Migchels:

They do brighten our day.

But I think they indeed need you to look the other way, and not just because you're 'old'. David Deida says the energy we feel when close to a beautiful young woman should not be denied, but enjoyed without looking at her and thus invading her privacy.

Women on the one hand relish our attention, but on the other hand don't respect it, because they know we shouldn't fall for them. It's also intimidating for them. And it really inflates their ego.


Comments for "Apology to a Young Woman for Noticing Her"

Scotty said (April 14, 2013):

Maybe men should save our smiles and friendly glances for women over 35. They appreciate it more!


Lisa said (April 14, 2013):


No need to apologize Mr. H

I purposely look at older men and smile at them. Not just at them but older women too. I keep looking until they look at me and I can give them what is most precious to me…. a smile.

We all should smile more. Gosh, how wonderful the world would be when we do this simple sharing task in order to make another feel good about themselves.

I would have considered it an honor to smile at you.

--

Thanks Lisa

Society has been so sexialized that a smile between a man and a woman means one thing only.

h


Tony B said (April 14, 2013):

Again, Henry, wasted worry about nothing. I look at women any way I please, if they like me looking at them, fine, if they don't, fine. Who cares? Why is it always this one way concern nowadays? Too much propaganda making points without men realizing it. If men knew how women discuss them they likely would go out of their way to avoid every last one of them.

There is nothing sacred about men to women so why the hell should men give a rat's ass what women think of them? If a woman likes a man she will make no bones about it to him. He will reciprocate. Human nature, plain and simple. Otherwise there would be no kids born.


G said (April 14, 2013):

Aaaah, Mr Makow, you're such a handsome man, if I had to pass you in the street I'd give you my best smile despite being 30-something years younger than you.

And you're not old, just oldER.

I apologise on behalf of all conceited young women who can't appreciate the approving glance of a distinguished older gentleman.
----

Thanks G

I approve of this message!

h


John said (April 14, 2013):

here is the polite v. impolite look at beauty, and then there's the rational v. irrational reation to both types of looks. Lust often has very little to do with polite looks at beautiful things, be they animate subjects or inanimate objects.

Humans (and perhaps other animals) are simply attracted to (get pleasure from) objects/subjects we find attractive. This applies to sex, but also to the youngsters, who, people allege, nature makes esply appealing in order to secure protection and thus survival at such a vulnerable age. Of course the divide and conquerers will try to make you feel like a pedophile for looking at a cute 2 year old, but cheerfully refuse to abide such silly feelings.

Two year olds, like puppies, ARE simply adorable. Like some women, irregardless of their age. When a young teen, I well remember finding Dinah Shore quite the attractive 60 yr. old. Part lust? No doubt. I said a young teen. Now why does nature have human male libido strongest at 17, female libido at 33? Anyway, look away, just politely.


David said (April 14, 2013):

Henry, one of the few truly feminine women I was fortunate to meet in my journey through life was, ironically, a Canadian. She was a great friend to me and my family. (No confessions to spill, she was just a wonderful human being.) She was past 70 at the time, but she stayed remarkably, astonishingly, youthful and attractive through a self-perfected regimen of exercise, clean living and diet. She had a sweetness and femininity radiating from her that made her even more attractive (and me appreciative of her existence) than mere physical beauty. I rhapsodize about her now because it is so rare to encounter someone like her in today's world, somone who in their 7th decade possessed more beauty than most girls in their twenties have because it's been bred and educated out of them, Soviet-style.

To safeguard against the problem you ran into in your article, I wear sunglasses in public.


Peter said (April 14, 2013):

What I find works well when you meet a really nice looking woman for whom you are a complete stranger is to give her a round of applause sounds crazy I know but it's a magnificent ice breaker and in over twenty years has never failed to raise a smile.

---


Ray said (April 14, 2013):

About 10 years ago, at the age of 50 and after raising two sons and divorcing their mother, I succumbed to the "urge to merge" with a woman 20 years younger than myself. We met in front of the Art Gallery in Vancouver, married and had two sons. She dumped me a few years later, but by making every effort to get along with her post-separation, despite our age and cultural differences, I have wound up with two delightful young sons to co-parent in my 60s and a very attractive ex-wife with whom I am friends. Here's the real lowdown on younger women and older men: many young women want to know that they are attractive to older men -- it validates their femininity. Most don't want it to go any further than that, of course. You have to be a gentleman in your glancing style, but when you suddenly find a younger woman in your direct line of sight at the grocery store, or one chooses a seat across the aisle from you on a nearly-empty bus, or decides to ask you for directions on the street, enjoy it! It's not an accident.


Len said (April 14, 2013):

I think the thing that women find repulsive in older men "noticing them" is that they automatically assume it is merely lust, not perhaps a more innocent or certain admiration of feminine beauty. - there is the snare for both of the species. Older men, fathers, grandfathers SHOULD be seen and felt as being protective and "safe". If they sense something lustful or predatory: this is understandably repulsive.

Certainly in your case, Henry, I would not at all assume there was ANYTHING lustful or predatory in your "noticing". But why a young & attractive female would find an older man's attention or "a look toward her" repulsive has more to do with her reaction [and past experience] with knowing how young, weak men act generally toward her than any reality of the same in you or some other older men who might well have no other intention or feeling other than appreciation of female beauty. But let us be honest: appreciation of female beauty and sensual lust are not very distinguishable. Therefore, be wise: neither be "enticed or taken in" by their feminine form and desires. Why? Because truth be told: 98% of nothing more than human vanity anyway.

I was a fool as a youth; that doesn't mean I have to be one in older age.


Marcos (Brazil) said (April 14, 2013):

Men should never be ashamed of their masculinity. There is a huge difference between a man who drools and babbles over a beautiful girl and another one who stares at her and sends the message "I may be 63, but in my days I could make you fall for me and teach you some things." If you don't know how to do it, watch a Sean Connery movie and learn.

Women are deeply disturbed by strong, confident men, no matter his age. They make girls feel that, yes, there is a game both sexes play, and you girl is vulnerable to strong men (because you desire them), no matter what facade you put on.

Feminism hates this reality, They want women to use sexual power (as in the "Sluts March"), as a weapon, but in a way where they don't have to face any responsibility or worst, deal with a strong man's sexual response. I guess the girl you met on the street is a feminist, because of her reaction. The reaction of a normal girl to admiration or desire is to blush, not frown.

The next time you see a girl with cleavage, don't try to look away. Stare, and if she complains, say "I am looking because it is in front of me and you want me to look. They are not special, there are 7 billion of them on Earth".

Gallantry made sense in a world where women wanted to be noticed by their cheerfulness, charm and delicate nature. Not in a world where sexual display is a tool for power.
Check this picture from 1936. Nothing can change nature.
http://bit.ly/16VhakJ

Or you can read this:
How To Treat A Beautiful Woman Like A Plain Woman

Men should never be ashamed of their masculinity. There is a huge difference between a man who drools and babbles over a beautiful girl and another one who stares at her and sends the message "I may be 63, but in my days I could make you fall for me and teach you some things." If you don't know how to do it, watch a Sean Connery movie and learn.

Women are deeply disturbed by strong, confident men, no matter his age. They make girls feel that, yes, there is a game both sexes play, and you girl is vulnerable to strong men (because you desire them), no matter what facade you put on.

Feminism hates this reality, They want women to use sexual power (as in the "Sluts March"), as a weapon, but in a way where they don't have to face any responsibility or worst, deal with a strong man's sexual response. I guess the girl you met on the street is a feminist, because of her reaction. The reaction of a normal girl to admiration or desire is to blush, not frown.

The next time you see a girl with cleavage, don't try to look away. Stare, and if she complains, say "I am looking because it is in front of me and you want me to look. They are not special, there are 7 billion of them on Earth".

Gallantry made sense in a world where women wanted to be noticed by their cheerfulness, charm and delicate nature. Not in a world where sexual display is a tool for power.
Check this picture from 1936. Nothing can change nature.
http://bit.ly/16VhakJ

Or you can read this:
How To Treat A Beautiful Woman Like A Plain Woman
Men should never be ashamed of their masculinity. There is a huge difference between a man who drools and babbles over a beautiful girl and another one who stares at her and sends the message "I may be 63, but in my days I could make you fall for me and teach you some things." If you don't know how to do it, watch a Sean Connery movie and learn.

Women are deeply disturbed by strong, confident men, no matter his age. They make girls feel that, yes, there is a game both sexes play, and you girl is vulnerable to strong men (because you desire them), no matter what facade you put on.

Feminism hates this reality, They want women to use sexual power (as in the "Sluts March"), as a weapon, but in a way where they don't have to face any responsibility or worst, deal with a strong man's sexual response. I guess the girl you met on the street is a feminist, because of her reaction. The reaction of a normal girl to admiration or desire is to blush, not frown.

The next time you see a girl with cleavage, don't try to look away. Stare, and if she complains, say "I am looking because it is in front of me and you want me to look. They are not special, there are 7 billion of them on Earth".

Gallantry made sense in a world where women wanted to be noticed by their cheerfulness, charm and delicate nature. Not in a world where sexual display is a tool for power.
Check this picture from 1936. Nothing can change nature.
http://bit.ly/16VhakJ

Or you can read this:
How To Treat A Beautiful Woman Like A Plain Woman

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/how-to-treat-a-beautiful-woman-like-a-plain-woman/

Whatever you do, never look down!

---------------

Thanks Marcos

By seeking to conquer a woman, beautiful or not, men are setting their sights much too low.

henry

Whatever you do, never look down!

--


Pat said (April 14, 2013):

I've had the same obvious reaction on occasion - but it is rare. Rare because I always make a determined effort NOT to let them see me looking.
Not because I feel like i'm invading anyone's space by looking (not leering, mind) but more for the reason that I cannot abide vanity and don't want to inadvertently feed it in women who more likely than not are vain enough as it is.

Often times we only think of the smart thing to say after it's too late to say it - alas! I would have told that young woman not to be so haughty, her looks will fade, you merely mistook her for someone pretty but realized you were mistaken when she revealed her ugliness with the scowl.


Brian said (April 13, 2013):

The vast majority of your material and others that you post is thought provocative, which is why I often visit your website. This one doesn't seem like an exception to that.

But you wanna know something about this particular woman, Henry? It wouldn't matter how old you were, she's still the type who would duck down that aisle with a scowl on her face. And I'll bet you anything that if you sent this e-mail to one of your regular female readers she would tell you the same thing.

That aside, she reminds me of the daughter of a co-worker of mine. She's an attractive girl (funny though, my wife doesn't think so. Go figure), and I consider her as a friend. (She's done computer related work for me, and she's a goofball like I am) She's highly intelligent and finds it ridiculous that men are simply being men by just looking at a pretty girl. I think alot has to do with her perceived shortcomings attributable to her being young and just trying to find her way in this crazy World.

Women are fascinating creatures. Her mother, by most accounts isn't as physically attractive as her daughter, especially when she's in a serious mood and compounded by the fact that she doesn't wear make-up. But she's another goofball who laughs and smiles alot, and when she does she just lights up the room and right then I think there's not a more beautiful girl in the whole World.


Sarvo Pama said (April 13, 2013):

I always wear [Hari Krishna] robes and I spend a good number of hours each day out on the sidewalks interacting with every type of person. If anyone indicates they are willing to speak with me, I'll take time with them. If they are particularly attractive (there is something attractive about everyone), I will tell them they are bright and beautiful and ask them if they know why.

Nearly without exception people seem to be curious to know why. Then I tell them it's because God knows He can trust them. They practically always want to know how God knows He can trust them. Then I tell them that because, in many many lifetimes they've helped many people, God knows He can trust them. That's why they have so many good qualities and characteristics. They are all blessings and gifts from the Supreme Being. Without exception people seem very pleased with this explanation.

I get a lot of smiles, thanks and even a few hugs. I tell them, "Don't thank me, thank the "Man upstairs." Everyone always chuckles. We don't need media. We're all well equipped to entertain one another. Every one of us, without exception, has much more care, concern, compassion and outright love for one another than we give ourselves credit for.


Annette said (April 13, 2013):

I’m probably close to your age and until the last few years I had men ogling me all the time. IT doesn’t happen so much anymore, and quite frankly I don’t miss it one iota. I think there is a polite way for men trying to steal a glance and be discreet about it- after all it is human nature as you said. I was never offended by something discreet where the man himself had some humility and shame about invading my space which may result in a quick stolen glance.

What I resented the hell out of was the type of look or energy- and IT IS all about the energy, that you get most of the time. Let me see, there are the yes, “I want to drag you into a dark alley” looks that are extremely frightening, but then there are the idiots that whistle and yell as if this is somehow this is supposed to make one feel complimented – I wasn’t.

Then there are the Mexicans ( sorry no pc here ) who my husband has dubbed Los Hornos because they act like they have never seen a woman before in their life, and just plain stare a hole through you.

Sometimes I wish I could spit in their face as I am walking down the street, feeling like I’m being visually undressed. Someone needs to teach these jerks some manners. Then there are the men at the Italian deli… if I just came in with a serious look because I was preoccupied with personal issues they would tell you to smile.

Can you imagine being told that you are supposed to smile for some jerk you don’t even know for his pleasure ? Another day in the same deli, I had one critique my new hairdo, making fun of it. Always it was bella, bella bella. Then there was the time that I was in a place where I was having a pair of pants altered and two men in the same store were staring at me with smiles. I then took off my high heels so that the alterations lady could measure how much the pants needed to be shortened, and my height decreased by 3 inches. I did not look quite the statuesque model type all of a sudden.

Sadly there have never been too many real gentlemen around and now it’s unheard of with the decay of everything. Though it’s hard to get old and lose what beauty you had , I am not missing one bit all the stupid looks and attention I used to get. Most of the time it made me feel just plain embarrassed or self -conscious. Glad those days are gone.


Anne said (April 13, 2013):

Your article reminds me of an incident with my dad, 63 at the time, and a beautiful friend of mine, Judy, 28 at the time.

In general men were helpless in Judy's presence. She was like a magnet and they were helpless little slivers of iron, unable to exercise self-determination in where they might wish to sit or stand in a room Judy was in. They always ended up in a little cluster around her.

Anyway, Judy came home with me once on a trip to visit my Dad. I was never so humiliated. His behavior was extraordinary. He behaved like a overly-excited, flirtly, giggly teen-ager. I laugh now but at the time I was disgusted. It is disgusting from the younger person's point of view.

Men should not a let a woman know that her looks have power over him or he will be manipulated. Attractive women respect a man who is not swayed by their looks. I think it's because the woman feels strength in the man, and safety.


Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at